Moving Parts of Experiencing

Reliving moments when resilience was the only option to survive, only to realize that pain possibly needed a chance to be one of the options in the experience – all in pursuit of being felt. Pain seemingly found its haven,
in the shadows and the intangible, inaccessible parts of being, where it is concealed and negated.

To be pressured into surrendering to the idolization of the 'strong, smiling front',
To hide itself under the camouflaging veil of strength, born out of convenience to evade confronting, holding & experiencing...
I wonder what this tug and pull between the body and pain as an experience entails.
Is the face of a toothy grin a protective mask that the body creates to build a distance between pain, hurt and its accompanying sensations and feelings?
Is it a cautionary signal against facing pain alone, risking depletion of vital survival resources? Is it the body's attempt to make pain sit on an empty chair outside and out of everyone’s sight?

Any movement might seek acknowledgment of the "presence of pain" as the starting point.
Gradually allowing pain to occupy space without attempting to shift it may mark the initial step in this acknowledgment.
Observing its various manifestations and the emotions it stirs within lends a multidimensional quality to pain. For instance, it could feel like a dull feeling, a strong push or pull, as a dark object suspended in the air, and many more. These descriptions additionally become instances of movement of the pain.

These moving parts, as they emerge, seem to seek that courage, resources, reassurance, trust and hope to be held, felt, seen and be visible. The stuck-ness and stagnancy often experienced in pain, when given a moving quality - largely leads to it feeling reassured, validated without attempting to shift anything and feeling safe and held.

Ultimately, the act of experiencing sets emotions, sensations, and feelings in motion - this movement in turn enables pain to have the freedom to be visible, vulnerable, undergo catharsis, and experience release.

writer's note

This is one of those writing exercises which tapped into so many spaces of resistance within my body and what I've witnessed in personal and professional contexts. It took an incredibly long time to complete. It sprung up from group reflections whilst playing with themes that feel inaccessible & "unplayable" (in conversations with fellow professional & my dear mentor, drama therapist Anupriya Banerjee) as well as content shared by dance movement therapist Erica Hornthal & Nishi Joshi via Instagram.

disclaimer

The views and reflections stated throughout the blog, are based on personal experiences. Please exercise discretion as to the aspects you consume and the ones you don’t.
Reading and consuming content from these blogs are not to be considered a substitute for taking therapy services.